Feeling sexy and acting sexy isn’t about being on the brink of an orgasm all day long, it’s about having a sexy aura about you, being tuned in to your senses and being aware of your sexual desires and power. Talking about sex doesn’t make you a sexy person; it’s far more subtle than that. It is something that comes from within you, because if you feel sexy, you will subconsciously give off sexy signals, you will move slightly differently, dress slightly differently, eat slightly differently, and you will be far more sensuous in everything you do.
When you feel attractive you feel good about yourself. This will give you that inner confidence to try new things, do things a little differently and rev up the stakes, not only in the bedroom, but in your everyday life too – and if you have been following our advice in The Menopause Secret, or following the 30 Day Concierge Programme, then you should be well on your way to achieving all of this, and more.
Sex shouldn’t be boring. Let us remind you how to keep things new and have fun.
We are going to discuss our 5 senses, which are Sight, Sound, Smell, Touch and Taste, and how they can transcend into the bedroom.
Unfortunately most of us have become desensitised to our senses– we lead busy lives and don’t take the time to notice the simple pleasures along the way. But they are still there, just waiting for you to bring them back to life. Our senses have been with us since the beginning of time, and they bring about very powerful feelings and emotions. Think how powerful an image of fire can be for example, or a huge wave crashing against the shoreline, or how listening to African drum music can stir the very depth of your soul.
So how can we make these primeval senses work for us in the bedroom?
Well, let’s start with the sense of sight.
Sight is important during sex and love making for all the obvious reasons, but let’s look at it in a little more detail so you can bring about a heightened level of enjoyment for you and your partner.
First of all, one or two small changes in the bedroom will set the scene. Pay attention to lighting, bright lights are not very sexy. On the other hand no light at all will dull the senses and not give either you or your partner the opportunity to become aroused by each other’s body.
Candles always work well, or try placing scarf’s over lamps to create subtle shades of colour.
If you want to seduce your partner and make your evening (or day) memorable, then buy lingerie that makes you feel sexy and seducing, and is always guaranteed to be a visual turn on. We are not talking about G Strings or peephole bras here – wear beautiful sexy underwear, think silks, satins and lace. Wear stockings and suspenders if you feel comfortable in them, soft lacy bras that you can see your nipples through, or choose a sexy Basque. Luxurious lingerie can look very seductive and come in many different designs, giving you the option of covering areas you may have insecurities about. Wearing exotic lingerie will definitely heighten your anticipation of what’s to come. But don’t just save it for your steamy bedroom sessions, get into the habit of wearing luxurious erotic underwear all the while. Underwear that feels smooth and sensuous against the skin, but is also a little bit naughty, will keep you feeling sexy all day long. Think about what you have on now – If you had to strip down for inspection would you pass the test? Or would you feel embarrassed about your underwear? Go and treat yourself to several sets of lingerie if you know the answer is not a favourable one. Just knowing you are wearing something gorgeous will make you feel that little bit special and you will be ready for inspection anytime, anyplace, anywhere.
Try stepping outside of your current comfort zone, and indulge your senses in something different. There is a whole world of things out there which will stimulate your sense of sight, as well as incorporate all of your other senses.
Light bondage for example could open up a whole new dimension in your love making. Image yourself being tied up and your lover doing what he wants to you, teasing you, playing with you, looking at you, the anticipation of him touching you – does this excite you? Or maybe you get turned on by voyeurism, do you enjoy watching other people? Does it turn you on seeing other couples caressing each other’s bodies? How would it make you feel if you saw a man taking off a woman’s clothes, unclasping her bra, playing with her breasts and squeezing her nipples, does this make you feel sexy? And as he slides her panties down, and slowly moves his hand in between her legs to explore her further, would you carry on watching? If the thought of this has aroused you, you will be pleased to know that this scene is always in the top 5 fantasies for women.
Why not explore this desire a little further by starting off with looking at yourself making love to your partner. Hang a mirror in your room or strategically place one in your wardrobe and leave the door open, you and your partner may find it highly erotic to catch sight of each other.
Keep your eyes open while you are making love so you can see what your partner is doing to you, especially as he enters you, look deep into his eyes to see the lust and desire he has for you, keep looking as you both reach your orgasm. It is intense, and you are both in the moment together, desiring and wanting each other, rather than being lost in some fantasy – It’s incredibly sexy, try it!
Or maybe you enjoy people looking at you – are you a secret exhibitionist? Does it make you feel sexy thinking about someone catching a glimpse of your breasts or the outline of your nipples under your tight top? Does the thought of someone seeing your sexy underwear as you bend over, or catching a glimpse of your stocking top as you cross your legs stir an erotic feeling in you?
Have you ever fantasied about, or tried spanking? Giving it, receiving it, or watching someone being spanked can be a huge turn on for some people. If this is something you have thought about, then maybe you should try it. Imagine how you would like the scenario to be played out, would you like your partner to lift up your dress, pull down your panties and spank you because you disobeyed him, or would you like him to spank you while you are having sex.
Many women get turned on by allowing their partners to dominate them during sexy passionate love making. Having their power taken away from them and being forced to do something against their will for a short while, can heighten the pleasure even further. So if the thought of your partner tying you up and doing what he pleases with you, or if he makes you wear revealing clothes when his friends come over, or demands you don’t wear any panties when you go out, then go and explore these desires further. You will be on your way to experiencing sexual satisfaction on a whole new level.
It is important to know that these sexy scenarios are about what you want – you are the one gaining the pleasure from them because it is your desire. You really are always in control, even if your fantasy is to be tied up and spanked.
If we have managed to conjure up any visual images here that made you feel slightly turned on, then go and explore them more and start enjoying the sexual power that is within you.